#SMPAsocial Addiction Reflection

Disclaimer: I create social media editorial calendars for my internship and have seen through that experience (among many others) just how much potential social media has. I chose to temporarily deactivate some accounts to focus on school, and didn't check any platforms for 24 hours as part of a class assignment. I wanted to carefully analyze any negative consequences of my personal social media use, but don't want to give off the wrong impression that I'm against social media!

I’ve made very few statuses on Facebook.

I often feel self-conscious assuming that every single one of my hundreds of Facebook friends would actually be interested in hearing what I have to say. But on Saturday I realized that I wanted to post a status about a tweet that I had read. So badly that I was going to reactivate my Facebook to do so.

A little over a week ago (April 7th to be exact), I deleted all social media apps from my phone (besides Tumblr…) and deactivated all my accounts but Twitter for class.

I have been relying on texting to share things a lot more:

This past weekend, from 12AM Saturday to 12AM Sunday, I went the whole day without checking any form of social media.

Realizing it was my official day without social media, I wrote the status-to-be out in my Notes app instead, intending on posting it the next day. Then I remembered it was Easter, so I decided to postpone it again. By forcing myself to wait before posting, I couldn’t act on this impulse that felt like I needed to share my thoughts right now. I also thought of something to add the next morning and edited it my pre-posted status a bit more. (And, update, I decided not to post it--otherwise I'd include the tweet and my thoughts here).

And then I wanted to post about a LGBTQ podcast (Nancy) to a LGBTQ FB group I’m in. I can’t help but wonder if knowing I couldn’t post on Saturday led me to wanting to post, because I hadn’t missed the status-aspect of Facebook before then. (I mainly miss the GW Memes and the Free & For Sale pages, to be quite honest.)

Me these days:

When I’m alone and bored, I turn on a podcast when making dinner or standing in line. When I’m with someone and bored (or there’s a pause in the conversation), like most people, I anxiously want to fill it with something. I often feel so rude bringing out my phone that I’d like to think I don’t do that normally, but I probably do it more than I realize.

It was really hard to stay off email on Saturday. Impossible if I wanted to do work (which wasn’t an option, unfortunately).

I’m reading The Craving Mind, a book that analyzes how and why we get addicted—to alcohol, sugar, social media, you name it. Basically, it comes down to habit-forming (a subject I’m obsessed with).

For social media, you get a rush of dopamine every time you get a notification of a like or comment or retweet.

That's why you keep checking your phone. Your brain wants that dopamine hit.

I know this will come across holier than thou, so I’m not sure how best to say it. But whenever I see an Instagrammable trend, like photos from the Infinity Mirrors exhibit, I can’t bring myself to post a picture of it on social media. These obsessive trends make me feel sad, as though everyone is trying to prove to everyone else that they’re just as cool, don’t worry, I’ve been there too. I’ve literally heard a friend say, “No, I just want to go and get a photo for Instagram. That’s all I really need” about the pop-up Christmas bar last year.

But I did go to Infinity Mirrors. I didn’t post a photo to Instagram of me and the exhibit. But I did post a photo of a baby dressed in rainbow cheetah fur from head to to

e to my Snapchat story with “Part of the exhibit?” because the outfit was so ridiculous and fit in with the exhibit and I loved it. And I know that while part of myself didn’t want to post an Infinity Mirrors photo that screamed I SAW THIS AND EXPERIENCED IT TOO AND I NEED YOU TO KNOW, the photo said in the fine print: yes I also saw this just so you’re aware.

I’m sure people who go to Infinity Mirrors and the pop-up Christmas bar genuinely enjoy the time they spend there. I just can’t help but feel it’s a trap to fall into, a reinforcing cycle where you start to experience things to prove to others you experienced them.

That’s the biggest benefit of taking a break from social media. It feels relieving to not feel like I need to post a picture every time I’m doing something to prove to others that I’m having fun. I’m changing what motivates me to take photos: for my future self to remember, not for others’ validation. I’ve started taking photos of things that make me happy.